Strong

If anything is certain as a homeschooling mom, it is uncertainty. I don't think that really ever goes away, but rather just comes as cycles. I will be honest, I am a worrier. I stress out about everything from what I need to do, what I should have done, what I possibly could do in the next few years. I have to watch it, or I get into a dark place and worrying becomes a way of life. Homeschooling gives us a lot of worries, if we let it. There are opinions everywhere you look on how this homeschool journey is supposed to look, and every clan has something different to say. The classical-clan says you should be doing more. The CM-clan thinks you should be doing less. The unit study-clan says bring it all together and point the way. The Unschoolers say let them lead. Then there are groups with bits and pieces and slices in-between. There are curriculum choices, extracurricular choices, pens, pencils, Will I need a laminator?, Creationism vs. Evolution, socialization, Am I messing this whole thing up?, mastery or spiral, upside down or at the table, the list goes on and on... So many ways, so many worries.

Some days it is overwhelming. It never seems like enough. Between the responsibilities of running and managing my home, keeping up with the Littles, am I really doing right by my children? Am I preparing them for the world?

And, oh, the world! There is enough worry there! What a mess! Here I am, doing the best I can to teach love, kindness, mercy, and grace, modesty, and a desperate flaming love for God... and I have to wonder... Am I raising sheep for the slaughter?

I told you, I am a worrier.

There is one thing that I know. One thing that keeps me going. One tiny thing that makes my world right itself when I get lost in this maze.

I am not alone.

 

 

The same God that created the heavens and the earth, the same God who walked on water, calmed the seas, raised the dead, healed the sick, parted the seas, formed and molded each and every one of us in miraculous detail... He is the one who called me to this life. When I am here saying I can not, He is saying, through Me, it might as well already be done. He has made the promises, and He keeps His word. I don't have to worry about the future, because He holds it in the palm of His hand, and what better place for it to be?

 

 

So in a way, I am right. I am not able. By my own strength, I am lacking before I have even begun. Thank God for a Savior that meets us where we are at. Thank God for a Savior that knows our limitations and sees us through. Thank God that where we are weak, His strength shines. Thank God. Because He is so good.

 

 

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Education is a Life

This has been an interesting term as we have gotten used to days without a "teacher's manual". It has taken a bit of time to find a schedule that suits our family but we are getting there.

I remember when we first started homeschooling my older two children and I thought everything had to be just so. I converted our small bedroom into a little one room schoolhouse complete with train alphabet around the ceiling and desks. (I think I even had a pointer!) My, how the days have changed. We tend to be a bit more relaxed around here. Now the kids do their readings sprawled about on the floor, as they are cooking lunch, or wherever they may be. The atmosphere has changed from the pressure of me having to drill them with information to them being interested and finding out those things on their own. It took me awhile to learn and we have had many curriculum switches and tweaks over the years but I am very grateful for those lessons that I learned in the beginning.

I can feel the shift in the morning. It is almost like putting on a work uniform. I get into "teacher mode" and my tone becomes a bit more professional. "No honey, no we can't play right now, LATIN ROOTS!" as I hurry my children down their checklist for the day. The name of the game is Getting It Done. Fun things are set aside and the work begins.

Homeschooling can be all encompassing. Some days I am working on their schooling from the time I wake until they are put into bed. Since the switch to a Charlotte Mason method there are narrations. Some times endless narrations! In those days, it was worksheets. Oftentimes I wouldn't be able to find the exact form that I was needing and that left me designing my own into the evening hours. Long after the kids would be done for the day I would be on the computer looking up interesting graphics and making tables, trying to build the ultimate tool to drive the lesson home.

We want the best for our kids and homeschooling can be a lot of pressure. If they are not prepared for this world (socially, emotionally, or academically) there is no one to look at but us. Sometimes the weight of it all can take its toll on our attitudes. I get cranky when I am overwhelmed. When I get cranky, everything falls apart. Children are great at being little mirrors. When my attitude sours I see it in my kids first. Play turns into fighting. Tattling (oh the tattling!), snarky comments and quick tempers abound.

The problem with homeschooling is that it can be all encompassing. If we allow it, it can take cuddle time reading a favorite story and turn it into vocabulary drill and what kind of life is that? Homeschool moms don't get to clock out at the end of the day. We are in the throws of building a life. I am with my children almost every moment of every day and when they are grown, I want them to remember me as a mom that was also their teacher -- not a teacher primarily. I don't want to be so drawn into the "next thing" that I miss all of the life in the moment. Our children are growing and memories are being made despite that checklist.

 I give myself permission to choose to be a mom first. I give us permission to enjoy the journey. Practice saying yes to some of the fun things (even if they don't seem like much fun at the time).
Make cookies.
Play the board game.
Give them 15 more minutes.
Read the book. Again.
Color. Build. Play.
Learn something new together.

Let us build a life that includes learning as a benefit to an already full existence.

Morning Time

One of the things that has been lacking in our homeschool day is our morning time. We started out very well when my children were younger but, over the last year, morning time (or morning meeting) has fallen by the wayside. It is such an important tool that we can implement that can change the tone of our day within just a few minutes.

This is the time that I go over my older children's schedules for the day with them and plan when I will have individual time with each. They both have their own clipboard with term assignments to be checked off daily. By year 4, they are responsible for making sure that their work is completed and narrations are given before any free time is allowed. It is important for our daily schedules (and my sanity!) to know when I will hear narrations to keep from interrupting me as I am working or reading to the younger children. Once interrupted, it is hard to get them settled back down again and back on track.

 Morning meeting is also when we typically tackle our group subjects. I spread these subjects throughout the week on my daily checklist. This makes is simple for me and keeps me from letting some of our feast from falling through the cracks. I am excited to get started again and add a bit more structure to our mornings.

You can get my Morning Meeting checklist here. Enjoy!

A Season of Giving

In just a few days the smell of turkey and pumpkin pie will be wafting through our homes and those that we love will gather around our table. Talking and laughing (and more than one awkward family moment) will make our homes vibrate with festivity.

The holidays are among us. We are ushering in the season of giving.
 

Already as you browse your favorite stores, carols are in the air. Bell ringers have taken their positions at the entrance ways. Garland and poinsettias grace the storefronts and display cases.  Christmas has a way of railroading you at this time of year. I get it. I have four children and our Christmas shopping starts close to January 1^st! I love Christmas - it is by far my favorite holiday. There is nothing like secretly stowing away treasures for my lovely children in anticipation of Christmas Day when they will tear into those delicately wrapped packages, their faces alight with joy. My excitement is often greater than theirs as they uncover that special “something”.

However, I made a promise to myself last year. Somewhere between the cranberry sauce and the stocking stuffers, I had found something. It wasn’t satisfaction. It was stress. My kids are getting older and the gifts that they are asking for are getting more expensive. In addition to that, our family is growing. We added a brother-in-law, a long lost sister, her husband, and a newly found niece into the mix of an already large family.  I found my focus skewed. Instead of concentrating on making memories, I was worrying about my bottom line and making everyone happy with the wrong things. I got everything done (with a huff and a checkmark) but my joy was gone. Somehow I had traded my joy for mere activity. Come Christmas morning and I felt tired – more than tired – physically and emotionally exhausted and I made a vow.

In my season of giving, I would give more wisely.

I would give more wisely of myself. The weeks following thanksgiving can be nothing short of chaos. Everywhere you look, there is a new sale. A new “must have” thing. Another “must attend” party. Before you know it, you are the frazzled person rocking in the corner of another White Elephant gift exchange with a wrapped tchotchke swiped from your shelves because you couldn’t face another trip to the store and endless wait – praying earnestly that no one will notice that you forgot to dust it before cramming it into a wrinkled bag from under your bed (not that I have been there). This is the season of graciously saying no when I am overextended. I can’t show joy when I am overscheduled and overstimulated. My neighbor’s cousin’s grandmother will just have to understand that I won’t be able to make it to the cookie exchange though I am grateful for the invitation.

I would give more wisely to those in need. There is nothing like the reality check that comes with taking a good look around you. I have a wise family member who says, “Honey, no matter how bad you think your situation is, there is always someone that has it worse than you.” In our small town, poverty abounds. Every day I get on social media and see the pleas for help. Someone that can’t afford a tree this year. Pleas for help before electricity is disconnected. Requests for their children, anything, so that they will have a bit under the tree. That is just locally. Our world is in need. There are children going hungry this Christmas. Countries at war and refugees displaced. We aren’t rich and we can’t save the world but we can help one family. Personally.

I would truly give thanks. Thanksgiving can feel like the warm up prior to the real game. Black Friday ads come out with the pecan pie and coffee. Not this year. This year, I want to take a few minutes to savor. So much has happened in 2015. My nine year old was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic and almost slipped into a coma. We have suffered through one of the roughest financial crises. Most of my family has moved (some out of country). My marriage almost took a fatal blow.

Our foundations have been shaken and tried but they have not faltered.

 I am thankful.

 We have made changes to our lives that will take time to get accustomed but I still have four smiling healthy faces looking up at me.

 I am thankful.

Eleven years of marriage and we have faced one of our biggest trials, hand in hand, and came back stronger.

I am thankful.

Though my family may be far apart, the love is stronger than ever.

 I am so thankful.

 If you have family and friends – if you have people around you that love and care about you - hold them close and be truly thankful for abundance. When you are truly grateful for the many blessings that you have, it becomes much harder to give your joy away in the midst of chaos. Let that gratitude for the things that really matter, and joy that can’t be shaken, anchor you through the holidays – and through life.

Wishing you a blessed and joyful Holiday season.

 

Loving the Unlovable

Some people are unlovable. Some people just get under your skin. You know who I am talking about.

The perfect mom, with the perfect husband and perfect kids, who lives in the perfect house with the perfect answer to everything.

The guy down the road. The one who always lets his dog out to do his business in your yard, and stroll your trash all over the neighborhood for you to clean up. His cheerful smile taunting you before you have even had your morning cup.

Sometimes, if we are really honest, we can admit even the ones that we do love fall into this category. The nagging mom, the ungrateful husband, the daughter that reminds you that you are never quite enough.

The people who want and want, and take and take, until you feel empty and dry and ready to run.

One too many times of picking up dirty socks.

One too many times of not asking how my day was.

One too many hurt and bitter feelings left untended.

One too many.

Some people are just not worthy of love.

What is love? Is it something we can lose or decrease? Is it something we can fall into or out of? Does love come with time or isn't something instinctual? Is it shown or felt, and if it isn't, did it ever exist at all?

Love your neighbors.

Sometimes that feels like little more than an useless adage, especially in the heat of battle, in the heart of the storm. What about me? we ask.

How does Christ show love?

"Now before the Passover when Jesus knew that His time was come that He should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved His Own which were in the world. He loved them to the very end." John 13:1-2

Here He is. In the "Love" gospel of John, in a room with His disciples. Judas has not betrayed him yet, but he would. The disciples have gathered together, but Jesus knew that very soon they would scatter. Soon he would be left alone, betrayed by the ones that he loves "to the very end." and what does He do?

"He rose from His supper, and laid aside His garments, and took a towel, and girded Himself. After that He poured water into a basin and began washing His disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel wherewith He was girded." John 13:4-5

Jesus takes the role of a servant. Not just a servant, but the lowest slave of the household. He knows what they will do, and he washes their feet for the journey. Why?

Peter asks Him. "Then cometh He to Simon Peter, and Peter said unto him, Lord, do you wash my feet? Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do you know not now, but you shall know hereafter. Peter said unto Him, You shall never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash you not, you have no part with Me."

We are all dirty. We are all unlovable. Every. Single. One. No one is greater. All of us are covered with road dust from where we have run from the Lord. Desired our own way and landed in the muck.

Only Jesus can make us clean again, then He shows us how to love. Truly love.

"A new Commandment I give unto you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men know that you are My disciples, if you have love one to another." John 13:34-35

As I have loved you.

Scary words coming from our Savior. Jesus, who gave Him self up as a sacrifice, who denied Himself. The one stripped down, beaten up, mocked and crucified. THAT Jesus, tells us to love others, as He has loved us.

When we began this journey, some of us thought it would be easy. It isn't. This life is the hardest thing you will ever do, and also the easiest. It means dying. Laying down your will, your desires, your dreams, your hopes, the very essence of who you are on the alter, a willing sacrifice.

This is how they will know us. This is how we are set apart. We remember who we were. We remember who we are without Him. We are all unlovable. Except by Him who called you by name, out of that pit, and washed you clean.

Love isn't a mushy gushy feeling. It isn't only for your husband and your children. It isn't dependent on the actions and words of others. It isn't something that comes one night in the darkness and flees with the morning light.

Judas was among those whose feet were washed by our Lord, moments before He rushed off to betray Him.

We love, because He first loved us. We serve, because He first served. We die to ourselves, because what He has is better than the filth we had before, and in loving others, we worship the Lord by serving the ones He loves.

It is worship. It is a gift. Love reminds us who we are, and who we were.

 

 

Stuck in Haran

I keep being drawn into the story of Abram lately. It is one of those stories that you have read a million times and then one day.. a truth hits you smack in the forehead, and you wonder, has that been there the entire time?

And Terah lived seventy years, and begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran. Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot. And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees... And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son's son, and Sarai his daughter in law, his son Abram's wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran, and dwelt there. And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years: and Terah died in Haran. 

Genesis 11: 26-28, 31-32

 

Here we have Abram's father. His son dies, and it hints to the fact that that they receive the call to pick up and go, and they start out on their journey toward the promise land. They make it a little over half way, to the city of Haran. The city that bears the name of Terah's lost son, and they stop and dwell there. I have to wonder what caused him to stop? Could it be that at the place named after his son, he found a place in his heart that was not yielded to the Lord? Maybe he found something that was holding him back. Here is Terah, a man who lived during the time of Noah and Shem. He has heard the stories of the greatness of God and His faithfulness, and yet, he stops before he reaches his goal. He dwells there.

Doesn't that touch you? Here he is, on the BORDER of God's promise, and he stops short. If he stands on his tip toes, he could probably see it. You follow God's call enough to say you went, but not far enough to be uncomfortable. I have been there. I am there. You dwell in the place of the familiar. And what happens? I think the name Haran gives us a clue. Haran means "parched." Your soul gets thirsty, and your flesh kicks in. I have to wonder if this is the place that they became idol worshipers? (Joshua 2:2)

The moment that you stop answering the call, you choose your own will over that of the Lord's. Those things that we hold on to: the hate, the anger, the love of the things of this world, self righteousness. These things are the things that are keeping us from the promises of God. We hold on, and we clench tight, and we say, "But God! I did go!" when really, in the depths of our heart, we are holding back pieces. Little idols. Little compromises that we just aren't ready to let go of yet.

The sad thing is this. Terah died there. In that barren, dirty, parched land named after his first born. He never got to see the fullness of God's promise. After Terah died, the Lord comes to Abram and calls him to Canaan. He tells him to leave everything that was of His father's house behind and promises him the world, but he has to go. Two lives that start out on the same journey, going the same direction, and end so differently.

Am I Terah? or am I Abram?

I love God, I love everything about Him, but sometimes, I catch myself holding back. Some things that He asks me to do are just too uncomfortable. And oh, how those things have been coming to the light lately. I just want to hang on.

But I can't.

He wont let me.

We have to choose.

 Our God is a jealous God, and He will not have any other gods before Him.

And I can feel it. I am on the brink of a life change. I feel like if I could just stretch my neck, I could see the Promise Land. But these bags are just holding me down. And aren't they silly little things anyway? Why do we get so attached to them? In God's light, don't we see how ugly and tattered they are? Our idols are broken. They have never served us, they are hollow and empty, and they leave us lifeless and spiritually dead. It is time, brothers and sisters, to step out of Haran. Not knowing where we are going, but trusting the One who leads. It is time to leave the baggage behind in favor of a Living God.

The meaning of Canaan surprised me also. It means "low" or "humbled one".

And Jesus said ..."Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

 Matthew 11:29

 

 

 

 

 

In the Out of Doors: Learning to See

It is a beautiful fall morning.

The air is crisp and chill; filled with the promise of beautiful foliage in the coming days. Fall is the season I love to breathe in and be outside. It inspires me to go walking with the kids in boots and sweaters and see the artwork that God has created for us.

In Mason's first book, Home Education, she speaks quite a bit about getting children outside. She says, "Never be indoors when you can rightly be without." Those words pricked my conscience. Often we get so caught up in the things that we "have to do" that we miss out on the really important things that Mason intended to be in our everyday journey. The 6 hours outdoors can be daunting when there is so much else beckoning our attention but it is needed for our sanity and our children's.

Too much stuffy indoor air clouds our brains. I know you have experienced it. Cabin fever.

We are nearing the end of our first term and I must admit our time outside has been lacking. However, a true Charlotte Mason education depends on getting our hands dirty, experiencing our world with our five senses, and digging deep into the world that our Father has so lovingly created for us. Painting and drawing and observing the details of His love in everything around us brings us closer to God and to our home around us. However, even more so, she wanted us to spend hours in the outdoors. Formal nature studies have their place but we should also be basking in the fresh air and sunshine and informally getting to know the world around us personally.

 

In the Zen of Seeing,  Fredrick Franck writes," In this 20th century, to stop rushing around, to sit quietly on the grass, to switch off the world and come back to the earth, to allow the eye to see a willow, a bush, a cloud, a leaf... I have learned that what I have not drawn I have rarely seen."

There is the heart of it. We are teaching our children to see. What an important trait to instill in our youth! To be knowledgeable about the things around them. To have natural curiosity. To have a sense of wonder and amazement. All of the things that we try hard to teach and encourage in their schoolwork but can not be found in books, no matter how living that they are. But, they can be found in nature!

I can tell the difference when we have been cooped up too long. Tempers flair and attitudes sour (and that is just me!). The fighting and complaining become almost unbearable. It is amazing to me how much all of that can improve with just a bit of unstructured time in a field or meadow.

So, what doe this look like? Anything you want it to be. As often as the weather allows, we like to do our readings outside. Whither it be out in our local park or just on our own back yard. Nature study doesn't have to be in a forest! There is nature wherever you are. We live smack in the middle of the city and there is always something to take note of.

My y0 kids run wild in the empty spaces of the local park playing at knights with sticks or tag running in the open (sometimes chasing the stray goose). At this tender age, just being away from distraction outside is nature study enough. How often has a sweet chubby hand brought me a flower or fuzzy caterpillar? They are learning to see!

My older children lay out in the grass with their daily lists and books. Nature has a way of making its way in. A busy chattering squirrel. A colorful spider. Clouds overhead. What lovely distractions!

It doesn't have to be as complicated as we tend to make it. Nature journaling and looking up specimens in field guides are a wonderful tool but they can also cause us to miss the forest for the  trees.  Just get outside and get some fresh air. Take the books outside. Sometimes it will
lead to a formal nature study and sometimes not but, whichever the case, it does us all a world of good.