Give Me Jesus

There is chocolate... in my hair. Not just a little, but what seems like an entire cookie smeared in all its glory in my ponytail. It must have happened sometime between breaking up the fight over the snowman blanket and getting on to my two year old for using the couch as a napkin.

Can I tell you a secret? I never wanted children. It is the running joke in the family actually. All the way through high school, until I married my wonderful husband, I was content with life being just me and my spouse. I never considered myself "parent" material. I am impatient. I have a tendency to speak my mind, not always in an uplifting or encouraging way most of the time (ok, more than I care to admit). I am selfish with my time. I am a "me" time mom! I could probably do "me" time from sunup to sundown. I was absolutely sure that if I ever had offspring, they would be the most selfish hard to like people in the world. Me, parenting? What a disaster. Yet, here I am. 10 years into this ride and four children. Four little people depending on me to show them how to live. And they are helpless aren't they? We teach them everything from how to walk to how to blow their nose. It is a nasty dirty job.

 And everything depends on us. Especially as homeschooling moms! We don't just have to teach them how to get along with their peers, we have to teach them to READ! Forget Algebra! But isn't that really the problem from the very beginning? We are so unqualified. From the moment they hand us that tiny squirmy bundle, we realize how very little we really know. This life that has been entrusted into our care. He is going to need everything from us. Our time when we don't have it. Our patience when it is running thin. Our guidance when we feel lost. It is hard. Especially when our well is dry.

 In the monotony of life, it is so easy to let our wells run empty. There is so much to do during the day. Most days, I hit the ground running, and collapse not long after the kids do. Too many days like that, and I start getting crabby. There is only so long that I can draw on my own strength before it fails me. 

 

Let me tell you another secret. I am in love with my children. Deeply in love. Each one of them. The chocolaty kisses, the chubby fingers, their smiles that remind me so much of their father. When I think about my babies, I swell up inside. I have loved them since I felt them in the womb, and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for them. Nothing.

                                             

 We are called for a purpose. I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared. But, this is my calling. These lives that were placed in our care, these are our purpose. Teaching them the ways of the Lord, growing them up on a strong foundation, teaching them to love, to desperately love, their God and His people. We are raising the lights of the next generation. These children that we are shepherding, they will be the soldiers on the front lines of tomorrow. Their world will look much different than our did, and our job becomes that much more important.

I don't know how to do that. So often, I am struggling with my own flesh, it seems impossible to teach anyone else. I do know this, He will not give me a task that He will not equip me for. I feel a lot like Paul in his letter to the Corinthians:



And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling.

2 Corinthians 2:1-3

 

I still know nothing. I still give into my flesh. I still struggle with my faith. As much as I think I know, I know nothing. I do know this: Jesus, and Him crucified. I have hope in my Savior. I truly believe that He will meet my need. I have seen Him do it, again and again. When I have reached the limit of my knowledge, He meets me there, when I yield to Him.

Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? but we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:13-16

It is only by His Spirit that we understand His Truths. It is by that same Spirit that we are filled. It is that same Spirit that bears witness.

This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin. Hebrews 10:16-18

 

“For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, and My blessing on your offspring. They will spring up among the grass like willows by the watercourses” (Is. 44:3-4).

 

As I am writing this blog, a song begins to play. "In the morning, when I rise, Give me Jesus. You can have all of this world. Give me Jesus."

 

Aren't His promises wonderful? He makes our job so easy. Our job is just to show them how badly, how horribly, how desperately we need a Savior. To show them that we are not perfect, and our only hope is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides, the God who provided His own Lamb for the offering and His own Spirit as our helper through this crazy life. His Spirit that fills us. His Spirit that goes before us in teaching our children and molding their hearts.

We are not perfect, and we never will be on this side of Heaven.

 Our job is only to model a repentant and humble heart before the Lord and pray that their heart cry will be:  "Give me Jesus."

His Spirit will do the rest.



One of "Them" Days...

We are from the South. And I mean SOUTH. The kind where the word South is capitalized, everyone owns a gun, and being called a redneck is considered a compliment. People up north have "these" days, I am sure. We had to start the day off with a mad dash to the store to pick up Prince a new pair of pants to wear to karate tonight. I thought I had this covered at the beginning of the week, but of course, I bought the wrong pants, the ones with out a draw string, and he ended up having to attend his first karate class with one foot doing a high kick and the other trying to keep his bottom from showing. Why in the world they make children's pants with out some form of elastic in them is completely beyond me. It never fails, my tall and slender children (who absolutely take after their father) are constantly either "floodin'" or trying to keep their pants up. Sometimes they really do look like homeschoolers. I should just break out the old denim jumper and go with it like it was on purpose. Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, after a frantic search for the right pair of pants, and a leisurely stroll around every clearance aisle in the store ::ahum::, we ended up making it back to the house just a few minutes before lunch and about 4 hours after our typical school day starts.  As much as I hate to do this during the week, sometimes it just isn't possible to avoid, and it is hard to get our groove back going for the day. No one is willing to sit and work, Mom included. So here it is, 1:30, and one subject has been covered after many trips to the bathroom, many glasses of water, and infinite dawdling.

"Them" days have stages.

Stage one: everyone is tired and distracted, but half way cooperative. The kids get out their school work, get to the table, and open their books to get started. If not overly excited, at least willingly.

Stage two: Fidgeting. Up and down, to the bathroom and back, dropping pencils, dropping books, peeking at television. ANYTHING other than what they are supposed to be doing.

Stage three: Melt down. Four hours into it, and you are on number two. Mid sentence into your teaching about plants, your daughter interrupts and asks why the Emperor has brown hair, and she is met with bugged eyes and impatience.

Stage four: End of the day. Everyone is alive, hopefully with minimal emotional scarring. The books have been put away, nothing retained, and everyone is in a grump.

Oh yes, we have had our share of "them" days. They don't always come with a change of schedule, sometimes you can see them coming and sometimes you can't. It is a hard place to be as a homeschool mom. On one hand, we need to be teaching hard work and perseverance. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes we don't want to do what is required of us. Not everything is going to be fun, and we have to do work. On the other, the whole reason I homeschool is I wanted to teach a love of learning to my children. I wanted them to be inthralled by literature, thirsty for knowledge, and goading them with a proverbial prod isn't exactly what I had in mind. It is so hard to find that balance when we get our mind off of our real goal.

In reality, the lessons aren't the problem. I used to think that. I would switch curriculums every few months thinking that if we tried something newer, more fun, more colorful that everything would change. It didn't. Now I have bookcases full of curriculum because we never addressed the heart of the problem.

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily besets us.." Hebrews 12:1

Oh.. the sin which so easily besets us. Days like this and impatience abounds. Hateful tones, sharp looks abound, from both sides of the table as much as I hate to admit it. These situations have a way of going from bad to worse quickly. Attitude builds on bad attitude. About the time my 2nd grader starts saying she doesn't remember what 2+2 equals, I start feeling my head wanting to spin. So what does God want us to do?  What does it mean to "lay aside every weight"? Surely, He doesn't expect us to just give up. To walk away like it doesn't matter...

"...and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the Right Hand of the Throne of God." Hebrews 12:1b-2

Ah, there it is again. The Author and Finisher. The same God who gave you the task will provide the means. And isn't that what, truly, is important that they learn? Sometimes, even as Christians, we forget how absolutely powerless we are. We could not save ourselves, we could not better ourselves. No matter how hard you try, how many books you read, how many prayer revivals, how many hours of meditation, NONE of it matters if we are trying to do it in our own strength. Our best efforts are ruined just by us touching them.

So what is the answer? Look to Jesus. As simple as it sounds, look to the Cross. Claim full dependence on the grace of God. What a lesson taught there! Our earthly flesh is weak. We give up easily and much too soon, it is only by His strength, His grace, His love that we endure.

These are the lessons that matter.

 

 

Giving It All

We have all had that moment in time. We are laying there in bed, and thinking about our day, not pleased with the way it went. I have been having a lot of those moments lately. In case you are a new homeschooler, let me share a truth with you. Homeschooling is hard. Really hard. In the last three years that I have been teaching my children, I have realized so many of my strengths. I am great at explaining. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a teacher, so in a way, this was a fulfillment of my dream. I love to talk to my kids about the Lord. I am passionate about reading. I love to organize curriculum and make lesson plans, it is something I am good at. I am crafty.

However, I have also realized that homeschooling is like a magnifying glass. It doesn't just bring the good up for closer inspection. We are imperfect, even if we don't like to admit it. Yes, I am one of those homeschool moms that like to bake homemade bread and makes my own Christmas gifts. But, I am also the one who loses patience, can have a sharp tongue and be selfish with her time.

Lately, every time that I have had one of those "bad" moments, I am condemning myself. But, last night, as I was praying, I had a revelation. His Grace is sufficient. It covers our failures. If He has forgiven us, how can we choose to keep condemning ourselves? Today is a new day, and I give it to Him. I know that there are going to be times that I mess up, but I know that He is still in the process of molding me. I am not there yet. Maybe you are in this place too. I just want you to know, you are doing the most important job in the world.

We are learning (and teaching!) one of the most important lessons. We have to depend on Him for EVERY need. In those moments, or even afterward, pull the kids to the side and apologize. Pray together. Show them that we are not perfect, we mess up, and we have a Father that loves us right where we are, and He forgives us. This is one of the biggest lessons we can teach our children. Our relationship with the Lord is not dependent on the things that we do or don't do, it is about what Christ did for us. He doesn't love us more because we homeschool. He doesn't love us less because we lost our temper. We have to use those moments to show how to humble yourself and how great forgiveness can be.

 

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9